I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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