Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
