so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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