Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
