Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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