Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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