I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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