she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
