Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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