That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
why is half of my head shaved?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
