I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
