Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
