Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
