Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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