P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
