I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
