I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
