come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
