Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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