Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When are your genitals available?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
