How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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