so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
