:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize