Who did Billy Mays play for?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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