...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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