I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
