Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
