she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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