he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
