get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
