I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize