My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize