i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
