Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
