You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
