haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The air was thick with penises
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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