there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
