so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
