One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
