my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
