Reggie can tackle my bush.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize