Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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