Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
