those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize