Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
