They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
