She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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