I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
