i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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