I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
