I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
