Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
