btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
