i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
