Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
