you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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