Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
