Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
