I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
