The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
