Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
