I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
