I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
worst night to have a conscience
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize