She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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