Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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