no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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