What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
