Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize