He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
