she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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