Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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