my vag is so smooth its legendary
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
