it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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